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Hearty Dice Friends Episode 42 – A Lot of Jokes About Blanka

Hey look! It’s that big green guy we all know and love: Blanka! He lives in the jungle and he does electric for fun and profit. His dad is a tree and his mum is…

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So: you broke up with a witch. How bad is this going to be?

1 – It’s fine, because they kept some of your hair, and made a copy of you that doesn’t complain or leave the cupboard doors in the kitchen open. So it’s fine. It’s all fine.…

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WHAT DOES THIS UNICORN WANT?

1 – Elf flesh. Its horn functions as an always-on Hand of Glory, which immobilises any elf who looks at it because it’s so beautiful. Then the unicorn eats them. But it hasn’t evolved canine…

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Who are they, and why are they coming after you?

Header image by Transformer18 on FLickr 1 – They claim to be angels; they’re all platinum blonde, regardless of skin tone, and they move in a way that suggests they’re actually six-winged flaming chariot-people stuffed…

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What’s weird about this flying castle?

1 – It’s powered by divine energy, rather than arcane, so the central structure is a huge chapel with a hundred-strong choir belting out devotional hymns around the clock. If they stop singing, the god…

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How did you get The Sight?

Header image by Teeejayy on Flickr 1 – Dad wasn’t around a lot when you were growing up, because dad was a kitchen god that mum summoned with some back-pocket voodoo and bodged-together mystic resonances…

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What’s at the bottom of this well?

1 – The top of the other well. We don’t talk to the folk down there – they’re strange. Sometimes music leaks up, so plug your ears with wax when you go to collect water…

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What’s this guy selling out the back of his car?

old car

Header image by Charlie on Flickr. Roll 3D20 to determine what he’s got in stock today. 1 – Rosaries. They’re made out of bone and he assures you that they’re all “used,” whatever that means.…

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WHAT’S UP WITH THESE KOBOLDS?

Header image by David Stanley on Flickr 1 – Their master, a proud red dragon, died several generations ago. Now, when they march to war, they swarm underneath her skeleton and tanned, leathery hide, and…

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Which Fey Court is involved in this?

Header image by Anton Novoselov on Flickr 1 – THE CONCRETE COURT. Who are in charge; who rule the high-rises, whose eyes are television, whose hair is a thousand flowing telephone wires, whose breath is…